Films We Never Got to Review

MINOR REGRETS AT THE END OF A BLOG

When this blog was just beginning, my friend, Tim Stafford, told me he didn't think the blog go last very long. "After all," he asked, "how many movies are there about churches and pastors?"

It's seven years later, and we've looked at a different film every week. There were a few weeks we ran a repeat, but there were quite a few weeks when we discussed more than one movie. That means we’ve looked at more than 350 films, and we still haven’t run out of films to review. I have a list with nearly 300 potential films, and assuming churches keep showing up in new movies -- I think I already have enough to write about for another seven years. But I'm tired and ready to move on to other projects.

You have to pull the plug sometime, but nonetheless, I regret not having a chance to review some great films that had interesting things to say about faith. Some of the films on this list are pretty awful, but still have interesting things to write about. 

Some of the movies on this list are ones I haven't seen, but they might have interesting things to say. 
There are also films that deal with topics that we rarely touched on.

So these are twelve of the films I most regret not getting around to writing about.

12) Fiddler on the Roof (1971)

I've seen this film more than once, and I like it very much. We've looked at musicals (Sound of Music, Cabin in the Sky, Sister Act) but Fiddler would have been the first musical featuring Eastern Orthodox clergy. There haven’t been many films featuring Orthodox clergy -- the only one I can think of is the Mel Brooks comedy, The Twelve Chairs. I could also have written about Andrei Rublev, a painter of icons used for Orthodox worship, or Beyond the Hills about a Romanian Orthodox Covent, but really, I just wish I'd taken the opportunity to drag the priests in Fiddler over the coals for the way they treated Tevye. 

11) The Quick and the Dead (1995) 

I really enjoyed this Sam Rami western, and I would have liked to write about Russell Crowe’s haunted pastor with a history as a desperado. I would have been happy to have an excuse to watch this again. Most of the westerns I’ve written about haven’t been good westerns (we did get to watch the classic High Noon, but most have been along the lines of The Deadly Companions and God’s Gun). It might have also been fun to get to Charleton Heston’s Will Penny in which Donald Pleasence plays a very creepy, evil preacher.

10) The Exorcist 2: The Heretic (1977) 

It really is a shame I couldn't write about this film, since we reviewed the clergy in the original Exorcist. I have read about this film for a long time, starting with Michael Medved’s Golden Turkey Awards (a salute to bad films), but I’ve never seen it. It really is a shame I couldn’t get to Exorcist 2, since we did review the original Exorcist as well as the second sequel. The Heretic stars Richard Burton in a performance legendary for hamminess. Instead, I've settled for the hammy Burton performances in The Sandpiper and The Robe.(FWIW, another bad film I didn’t write about was God’s Not Dead Part IV: We the People. I watched it in the theater, but never got around to writing about it, though we featured the first three God's Not Dead movies.)

9) Lady Godiva of Coventry (1955) - Please don’t assume it is prurient interests that drew me to curiosity about this film (which I’ve never seen). In all the pictures of Maureen O’Hara as the historical streaker, she seems to be surrounded by nuns. All right. I am curious how the filmmakers handled the nudity in studio days with the Hays Code in full effect. (The Song of Bernadette is another faith-centered story from the golden age of Hollywood. It was quite acclaimed. I’ve never seen it, but it looks rather stodgy, and that's kept me from watching it.)

8) The Devils (1971) 

In the blog, we've tried not to shy away from films that are critical of churches and clergy or even the Christian faith. As a result, we’ve looked at films by famous critics of religion like Michael Tolkin and Luis Buñuel. This notorious “historical” work by writer/director Ken Russell (from a story by Aldous Huxley) is one I never got around to watching. It's difficult to find an unedited version of this X-rated film in which Oliver Reed played a priest with unorthodox views on faith and sex whose followers included licentious nuns. But it was not to be.

7) Ganja & Hess (1973) 

Arguably, this blog didn't cover enough vampire blaxsploitation films, and this movie would have helped remedy that oversight. Sadly, this film was also difficult to find in its original form. (Fun fact: Duane Jones's only other starring performance is in Night of the Living Dead.) The Church seems to play an important part in the battle against dark forces, so I do need to get around to watching this sometime even if I don’t have anywhere to write about it.

6) The Miracle Woman (1931)

This is yet another tough film to track down, with one of my favorite directors (Frank Capra), and starring one of my favorite actresses (Barbara Stanwyck). I'm baffled to realize that we haven’t featured any films by Capra or Stanwyck. Though I haven't seen this film, in it, Barbara becomes disillusioned with the Church and takes up a career as a fraudulent evangelist. Pre-Hays Code films like this one had much more freedom to be critical of the Church. I will manage to write about this one someday, even without this blog as a vehicle.

5) Dogma (1999) 

I have seen this Kevin Smith satire of the Roman Catholic Church and angels and demons that was condemned by the Church even before it was released. While I have grave reservations about the theology in the film, at times it's quite funny and would have been interesting to write about.

4) Au Hasard Balthazar (1966) 

Robert Bresson was one of France’s greatest directors, and I was able to review his classic, Diary of a Country Priest. This film contains just a little about church and clergy. Others of his work, such as Angels of Sin (about a convent that rehabilitates convicts) or The Trial of Joan of Arc. Au Hasard Balthazar is Bresson’s only film (and perhaps the only film of any kind) that features the baptism of a donkey.

3) Les Miserables (1935, 1952, 1998, 2012, or any of the other versions)

There are many adaptations of this Victor Hugo film, but I didn’t get to any of them. This is too bad, because Bishop Myriel, who cares for Jean Valjean, is one of the best portrayals of clergy in literature and cinema.

2) The Name of the Rose (1986) 

I’ve read Umberto Eco’s novel, but I’ve never seen this adaptation of the book, and it’s hard to track down. It’s a retelling of a Sherlock Holmes story using Franciscan monks in a medieval abbey. It stars Sean Connery as a friar, William of Baskerville. It also stars Christian Slater and we at Movie Churches do love Christian Slater films (the good and the awful.)

1) Amazing Grace (2006) 

I saw this film and like it very much. Directed by Michael Apted, it tells the true story of William Wilberforce and his campaign against England's slave trade. Wilberforce's pastor was John Newton, the former slave trader and author of the hymn “Amazing Grace.” He definitely would have received our highest Movie Churches rating of Four Steeples.

If only I could have gotten to these dozen films. And maybe, St. Benny the Dip. And…

Literary Movie Church Adaptations Volume 4: The Three Musketeers

The Three Musketeers (1973 and 1993)

When our kids were young we often listened to books on tape. I believe it was on a trip to Yosemite that we listened to Alexandre Dumas’ The Three Musketeers. A classic like that would be swell for the whole family, right?

Somehow I didn’t remember that a key plot point in the novel is that Queen Anne, the wife of the king of France, is having an affair with the English Duke of Buckingham. The Musketeers, somehow on behalf of the King to whom they have sworn allegiance, take on the duty of keeping the Queen’s affair secret to prevent a war between France and England.

That was a lot to explain to elementary school kids. In addition, one of the chief villains of the book is Cardinal Richelieu, an official in the Roman Catholic Church. It's easy to see why Tom Sawyer loved the book, and why boys since it was first published in 1844 love the swordfights, derring-do, and adventures. But it’s not exactly “wholesome.” 

Of course, it was written by a Frenchman, Alexandre Dumas, and the French apparently have a different idea about what is family-friendly.

Fortunately, Movie Churches has never counted family friendliness among the criteria for films reviewed; the only requirement is that a film has churches and/or clergy. This means the 1948 version of The Three Musketeers doesn’t fit our criteria. In order to avoid offending any Catholics in the audience (or the Roman Catholic Church itself), MGM had VIncent Price play “Prime Minister” Richelieu rather than Cardinal Richelieu.

Fortunately, there have been many, many screen adaptions of The Three Musketeers, from a 1921 silent feature through a 2011 abomination with blimps and high-wire kung-fu. We’ll limit ourselves to two versions, beginning with director Richard Lester’s 1973 version (subtitled "The Queen’s Diamonds"). Along with screenwriter George MacDonald Fraser (known for his series of satirical Flashman novels), Lester leans into the moral shadiness of the adventures, playing up the sex and moral hypocrisy. In addition, Charleton Heston most certainly plays the Cardinal Richelieu.

A young farm boy, D’Artagnan (Michael York), is warned about the Cardinal by his father as he goes off to Paris to become one of the King’s Musketeers, “Never accept insults…Unless it’s from the King…Or the Cardinal Richelieu. Don’t trust him.” Arriving in Paris, D’Artagnan manages to insult three of the King’s Musketeers: Athos (Oliver Reed), Aramis (Richard Chamberlain), and Porthos (Frank Finley). He challenges all three to a duel, but the first duel is interrupted by the Cardinal’s Guards (who we soon learn are rivals of the King’s Musketeers). The Musketeers allow D’Artagnan to join them in a scuffle with the Guards, and the Musketeers are victorious over greater numbers. A group of nuns on a balcony watch the fight excitedly without seeming to choose sides.)

As in the novel, Queen Anne (Geraldine Chaplin) lends her diamonds to her lover, the Duke of Buckingham of England (Simon Ward). Cardinal Richelieu learns of this and encourages King Louis XIII (Jean-Perre Cassel) to hold a ball at which the Queen will wear her diamonds. The Cardinal plans to reveal the queen's affair with the leader of the English, a nobleman, and begin a war between the nations.

The Cardinal’s plan is, of course, foiled by the Musketeers, but he takes his defeat in good spirits. He is cold and calculating, but he also doesn’t seek revenge when there's no profit in it. Compared to the Cardinal Richelieu played by Tim Curry in Disney’s 1993 version of the film, he’s a relative saint.

In this version, the French Musketeers are played by Americans: Chris O’Donnell (D’Artagnan), Charlie Sheen (Aramis), Keifer Sutherland (Athos), and Oliver Platt (Porthos). I’m sure the success of Young Guns played a part in the casting. I’m just surprised they didn’t title the film Young Swords.

I suppose because it was Disney, the Musketeers’ assignment is not to cover up the Queen’s affair, but instead, the Musketeers must recover a secret treaty the Cardinal sends to England.

Curry’s Cardinal is a much nastier piece of work than Heston’s. We see him early in the film visiting prisoners in their cells. One of the men pleads for mercy from the Cardinal for the crime of theft. “My family was starving. Please in the name of God…”

“Very well,” says the Cardinal. “In the Name of God.” And the Cardinal has the prisoner executed, saying, “One less mouth to feed.”

In this film, the Cardinal isn’t trying to expose Queen Anne's (Gabrielle Anwar) affair but wants to have an affair with her himself. He enters her room as she bathes and watches lustfully. He says to her, “After all, I’m still a man.” 

She responds, “Your sacrifice brings you closer to God.” 

He responds, “But it is not God I desire to be close to.” In spite of his efforts, she is able to parry his advances.

I was rather surprised by the graphic nature of this scene. There are also a number of killings in the film and lingering shots of women’s bosoms, but that doesn’t impact the film’s Movie Churches Steeple rating, which is based on the behavior of the Cardinal, who is the prominent clergyman in the films. The 1973 Cardinal Heston and the 1993 Cardinal Curry average out to a lowly Movie Churches rating of One Steeple.

Shape Shifters Week 2: Howling VI and Curse of the Werewolf

Howling VI: The Freaks (1991)

Curse of the Werewolf (1961)
As I admitted last week, the werewolf has been my favorite monster since I was a kid. Maybe it's the idea of a “sometimes-monster.” The sometimes good, sometimes bad of the creature is easier to relate to than the always-evil vampire and not-very-bright killer zombies. Sadly, there aren't nearly as many werewolf films as vampire and zombie films, and the percentage of quality horror films is very slight. In other words, there aren’t many good werewolf films.

By an amazing historical fluke, three of the best werewolf films ever made premiered in the same year. The Howling, An American Werewolf in London, and Wolfen (arguably not a werewolf film, but a film about really smart, dangerous wolves) all premiered in 1981, and all of them are excellent films. But since all three are fairly church- and clergy-free, they do us no good here. 

Unlike vampire films (the critters are stopped by a cross, after all), most werewolf films don’t have an overtly spiritual focus. Last week we had arguably the best werewolf film ever made, and it had a church and a pastor. We have churches in this week’s werewolf double feature but the quality of the films is… not great. Doesn’t matter, not what we’re here for.

Curse of the Werewolf was produced in 1961 by Hammer Studios. Hammer was an English company that made much of its fortune by taking famous Hollywood properties not under copyright, primarily Universal’s monster movies, and remaking them -- adding some things that couldn’t be included in the original productions like color, cleavage, and gore. They reinvented Dracula, Frankenstein, the Mummy, and eventually got around to the Werewolf.

Set in 18th Century Spain, Curse of the Werewolf didn’t stick with the Universal mythology of lycanthropy. Instead of becoming a werewolf by being bitten by another werewolf, Leon is a werewolf because he was an illegitimate child born on Christmas Day. (Maybe I should have saved this film for December.) A kind older couple agrees to adopt Leon and take him in to be the local Catholic Church to be baptized. As the couple approaches the baptismal, the sky outside becomes stormy. Lightning flashes and thunder crashes. And then the holy water in the baptismal boils over, and for a fleeting moment, the image of a devil is seen in the water. This is, in the world of horror movies, not a good sign. But the baby is baptized and given the name “Leon.”

We next see Leon as a young man (played by Oliver Reed). There is a hunting incident, and something not quite human makes an appearance. Most werewolf films have a prolonged period when everyone argues whether a killing was the work of a man or an animal, but in this film a priest quickly assesses the situation. He knows there’s a werewolf.

The priest talks with Leon’s adopted father about what he thinks is happening. Just as the origin of the werewolf is unique to this film, the whole werewolf mythos differs. The priest explains a werewolf is caused by a roving spirit that enters the body. It is a form a possession where the spirit of an animal fights within a person against the spirit of a man. He explains that only love can cure (and save) a werewolf. 

As in most werewolf legends, the werewolf turns on the night of the full moon. The bishop comes up with the sensible plan to chain Leon the werewolf in the monastery to keep everyone safe, but instead, Leon is put in the local jail. As a werewolf he is able to escape the jail and run wild through the town. And he is not cured by love, but instead by a silver bullet made from a melted down crucifix.

If only people had listened to the priests in this film.

As I mentioned earlier, The Howling is a great werewolf film (though it certainly earns its R rating). Few first sequels are as good as the original film, and many series have a marked drop by movie number three. So it's not a surprise that when Howling VI: The Freaks is not a good film. But it does have a church.

Ian (Brendan Hughes), comes to a small town as a stranger, and the town sheriff threatens to arrest him for vagrancy. A man named Dewey (Jered Barclay) says Ian can stay with him if he helps repair Dewey's “building.” That building is an old church.

The church is run down. The stained glass doesn’t have very religious imagery (well, there are grapes), but Ian does refurbish and mount a cross. A sign advertises Sunday worship at 11:00 am and Wednesday night prayer meetings. Dewey appreciates Ian’s hard work and tries to figure out what is troubling the young man, but Ian responds, “You’re a nice man, Dewey, but don’t try to play preacher man with me.”

Ian’s trouble is that he is a werewolf. And Dewey isn’t the only person who offers him sanctuary. A man named Harker has come to town with a freak show. He tries to convince Ian to be one of his displays and when Ian refuses, Harker abducts him. Turns out, Harker is a vampire.

Dewey is willing to go to battle to rescue Ian and the other “freaks” imprisoned by the traveling show. He prays for a blessing on silver bullets (“Dear Lord, Who can defeat all evil...”) and is serious about fighting. “There’s no reason to be polite. You see the devil, you shoot him.”

Of course, if we were rating the quality of these films with a traditional “star” system, we would be looking at a very dark night. But here at Movie Churches, we rate the churches and clergy in films. If werewolves were real, I’d be happy to have clergy from either of these films on my side. So the churches and clergy of Curse of the Werewolf and Howling VI: The Freaks earn our coveted 4 Steeple Movie Church Rating.